Dad Issues

I think it's fair to say that most of us have some "daddy issues." Whether we had a great dad, a good dad, or maybe one who was just kind of okay—or even a dad who wasn’t present at all—those experiences shape us in profound ways. As humans, we all fall short, and sometimes, it’s tempting to compare our earthly fathers to our Heavenly Father. But doing so isn’t exactly wise because our Heavenly Father is perfect, while our earthly fathers, like us, are imperfect.

I keep sticky notes on my desk as little reminders. One of them reads: "How my children view God will be heavily influenced by how they view me. Therefore, reflect His image today." This statement is both a comfort and a challenge. It reminds me daily of the impact my actions have on how my kids perceive God. If I'm harsh or indifferent, they might see God that way. If I'm loving and present, they might better understand God's true nature.

Growing up, I viewed God as a disciplinarian, much like I saw my dad. I felt like I had to earn God’s favor because I thought that’s what my dad wanted from me. It wasn’t until after my dad passed away that I realized he wasn’t actually that way. Looking back at the things he wrote to me, I can now see that he was trying to show love and affection, but in real-time, it often felt like discipline and correction. I think many of us naturally equate our earthly father’s behavior with how we perceive God, especially when we’re young.

Before you can be a good father, you have to learn how to be a good man. We often tell the men in our program that being a good man means relinquishing your pride and becoming a learner. It’s about asking yourself, “What do I need to give up, and what do I need to add, to better reflect God’s image?” We are all image bearers, and if God knows how to do it perfectly, then we should strive to emulate that.

Recently, my family and I returned from a vacation, and as you might expect, I got a bit lax in my routines. You know how it goes—you get lazy, indulge in things you normally wouldn’t, and before you know it, you’re snapping at your wife and kids. It’s funny how quickly that lack of discipline can affect everything else. So, on our first day back, I woke up at 5 AM, worked out with my son, and then we sat down to read Proverbs 11 together.

We went through several verses, and I asked him, “What do you think this means?” He’d give me his take, and I’d say, “That’s it, you’re getting it!” Of course, there was a moment when he admitted, “Dad, I don’t really understand what they’re saying.” I chuckled and explained that these words were written 2,500 years ago, so they don’t always make immediate sense to us. But the principles are timeless.

As we talked, I was reminded of Proverbs 11:2, which says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” That verse hit home for me, especially as a father. I realized that my pride can get in the way of being the dad my kids need. It’s easy to think I should have all the answers, but I’ve come to see that recognizing my weaknesses isn’t a flaw—it’s a strength. As Paul wrote, “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Every day, I pray for wisdom. It’s a prayer I never skip because I know how much is riding on the decisions I make as a father. My actions today will either bring my children closer to understanding a loving God, or they’ll push them away. My dad used to tell me, “You’ll never understand until you have children of your own,” and he was right. There’s a depth of responsibility that comes with fatherhood that you just can’t comprehend until you’re in it. Every decision, every action, every word is filtered through the question: “How will this impact my wife and kids?”

 

Thanks for reading,

Jeff Ford

 
 
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The Power of Teamwork in Fatherhood